I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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