My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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