dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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