I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
