Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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