Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
