if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I deserve this hangover.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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