Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
this is an emotional support booty call
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
