The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
