Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
