Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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