I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
