He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
