hotel room ftw
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
