I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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