i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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