so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
