Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
