i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
