I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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