There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
