Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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