Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
