This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize