When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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