Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
