Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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