Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
