We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
