I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
