whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
