Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
