Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
