Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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