She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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