jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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