I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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