HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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