i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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