went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ok first of all what the fuck
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
