I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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