nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
