just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
