my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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