this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
did i just pee glitter
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
