i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
