I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
