saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
