I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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