he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she looked like the before picture.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
