just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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