Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is wine microwaveable?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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