Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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