You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
