just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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