so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
