just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
