I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
