You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
