i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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