He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
