Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
