I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
