I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
