My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
