Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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