I'm jealous of your bromance
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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